What would the Gods be talking…


Were Gods actually Gods like we know, or were they just some bored lonely aliens. A highly high-ly developed species.. but species just like us, and not Gods like we know…..

…and lonely. And extremely fed up with their existence in this huge universe. It must have bin a really depressing atmosphere all around. And boring. very boring.

Boredom can lead one to fantasize of crazy things. Gods must have started fantasizing about new creation..about us.. ( But we dint want un-necc favours..So somewhere down the ages, some human must have decided about fantasizing the Gods…and then fantasizing the Gods, fantasizing about us.(it’s getting insane here, I don’t understand this myself)… and forced this upon others.. now for the rest of our existence..sigh…


So, I read about the Kardashev Scale somewhere.

The Kardashev Scale, helps us group intelligent civilizations into three broad categories by the amount of energy they use:

Type I Civilization has the ability to use all of the energy on their planet.

Type II Civilization can harness all of the energy of their host star. Like our solar system.

Type III Civilization blows the other two away, accessing power comparable to that of the entire galaxy.

Wow, It fits so perfectly.

Type- I: We’re not quite a Type I Civilization, but we’re close (Carl Sagan created a formula for this scale which puts us at a Type 0.7 Civilization).

Type-II:  Our devtas and devis and pari’s. Sun dev, Thunder dev,  Air Dev, Rahu, Ketu etc.

Type-III: The God-clan. The holy trinity. Shiv, Brahma and Vishnu.

Now Narad-muni would probably be that random guy who kept travelling between type2 and type3 looking for gossip and then spreading it around. Maybe of an alien species type 2.4.. Also, It seems the Danav/Rakshashas were another alien species which existed for a while but are now extinct.  I’m not sure where exactly to put them on the kardeshev scale. Im guessing somewhere in between 2 and 3. Maybe like a type 2.2.

For more, you could check out the below illustration.

gret filter



Once in a far away corner of the world lived a civilization. No actually they were everywhere… They called themselves the ‘God’ civilization. The word doesn’t hold any real meaning, but it’s not as if the word ‘human’ makes a lot of sense to a cockroach either.

Now, at some point, one of the members of this God race must have sordidly brought up this realization that they were all bored…and spoken about it with the rest. (Much to the happiness of a lot of level 2 guys, it would turn out later, as lots of them would get silly roles to play.)

Now the set up of this civilization, could be one of the three possibilities.

  1. The entire civilization just consisted of these three, ie the trinity.
  2. These three were the supreme commanders. But the clan consisted of a lot of others, albeit slightly lesser Gods.
  3. Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva were just three small boys then, each, a part of illustrious families in this God species. All their families did was create, preserve and destroy… respectively. family business or something…But they were bored families.. And bored kids of bored families ..!!.. phew, u can imagine..

I like the third possibility the best.

This GOD civilization was also extremely vane. Border-ing on narcissism. Now all they wanted was for people to pray to them. Day-in and day-out. Only then they would bless them.  Understandable though. Not everyday does a civilization cross the “great-filter” twice. And they had pretty much nothing else left to do.

Sounds weird right. Exactly !! But apparently that’s what everyone has told everyone.



And then in some other, semi-urban area lived another species. Taking cue from the God species they thought of a name for themselves too.

“DEV”, they called themselves.

Because they were just in awe of GODS and copied them in everything.

I think these chaps lived in a state of constant turmoil and low self esteem. That other alien race called DANAV kept attacking them and routing them. Star-wars kinds. So they kept going to the GODS and asking for favors. Borderline slimy guys. But these were the good guys, we are made to believe.

And when they dint want to feel like a dick, they would go visit the human race. Do a few cool things like make it rain, blow some wind, make the sun go up and down etc. Just for fun. Like we do with water pipes and light bulbs.

And when they looked at us, being in awe, they felt good about themselves again. Self-help therapy, I guess.


Story: Type 0.7

So what’s our history. What could have really happened ?

Earth, part of an extremely small and rural solar system, was never on anybody’s radar. Even the milky way galaxy itself was very very rural. None of the other aliens really even thought about it, leave alone caring. Being bored was better.

A little on the lines of what i-phone sales executives would feel about the guy below.


Vishnu : Wat’s up.

Brahma: Guess what.. Narad muni’s dad just came to my house. I overheard him, that while on his evening walk, he came across a tiny planet at the other end of the universe.

Like how we, now, go to mars and moon and come back and show-off to the rest.

One silly looking animal was roaming around there. And repeatedly mumbling to himself..


Shiva: Vishnu’s family was terrible at their work. These guys just kill each other themselves. My family’s existence is quite pointless.

Vishnu: dude-hey, why ru always furious. Please.. do not smoke up too much.

Brahma: Ok, don’t fight. Let’s do something. Let’s prove a point to our elders. Show them how it’s done.

And so these 3 made Earth their playground. Started by destroying whatever little was left. A new dawn, a new start.

(I wonder whether that was a dinosaur or not, but it was surely during a time when God dint exist for earthlings) A few million years later, some ‘smart’ humans would call this period the ice age.

So these three best friends got together. It started with tasking Brahma of creating a new earth. Brahma in turn, asked Shiva (the angry but benevolent young boy) to first destroy the last standing bully organism – that miserable hopeless thing.


Once clean, Brahma created smaller land animals. like elephants, hippos etc. And they gave them a few thousand years. But nothing was happening. They weren’t even thanking these three for creating them, leave alone pray..Now this was depressing. No, this was very depressing. They realized they had fucked up.

So this time they created monkeys and others apes. Some of these could stand on 2 legs instead of 4. But again the same thing – Fucked up again.

Shiva was in some meditative trance all this while.

Finally Brahma decided in favour of a slightly larger brain, whilst compromising on other senses. Voila – HUMANS.

Then brahma decided to sleep.

So now, only Vishnu was working. But he had a lot of other work as well.. And that was getting to him. He just had so much work, and on top of that he had to deal with his pet as well. Snake-ish like creature. Who himself was quite a angry thing.

So he put some level-2 civilization to directly manage us. It was payback time.

DEV clan. Time to work.

But they were given only basic responsibilities. Rain, sunlight, air, luck, luck, wealth etc.

But these humans were still dumb. And very slow. They would keep fighting with sticks and stones and basically do nothing else. They had to be taught so much.

So, Vishnu came up with a plan. Once every few centuries, he would decide to personally give the Earth a visit.

This way he would continuously jump-start our civilization to achieve more. Like a catalyst. Teach people the good from the bad. Remove the un-holy people, who dint pray to him. Do a few tricks to humble those few mighty humans etc… All this Just for fun.

And then finally humans started having fun. Or becoming horny. Or both. And the population  really started exploding.

But by-and-large, they still weren’t praying. Wasn’t that the original idea of the GOD civilization anyways !!! So a lesson had to be taught.

Shiva woke up. It was time he got involved in the game. Though the kindness in him said, he dint want to finish it just yet.

So he created religion. He sent prophets. And Priests. And Pandits. And then some economics graduates.

Just to ensure he kept us weirdly busy .. And like an anti-alarm to tell himself that we are still a stupid bunch of people.. and not yet evolved.

What a master-stroke. In one brush, he would control everything. People would randomly start going mad, praying to these mighty aliens. And also kill each other in their name. Wow, so much fun.

And Shiva, still in a semi-meditative trance was happy. Brahma was sleeping.  Vishnu, meanwhile, thinking to himself, blurted – its time to visit earth again. They’ve fucked up once more.


* the views are personal, a figment of imagination and entirely for fun. They are not intended to hurt the religious sentiments of anybody.

* credits: waitbutwhy.com, some nice books, some nice people, others.

Sidharth: Aug-2014


3 thoughts on “What would the Gods be talking…

  1. avisek

    Outsourcing it to IBM wud have made their lives easier…..but then Brahma must hav thot that( I )….(B)rahma…the (M)an must do stuff myslef….he shouted out loud ” Who’s the Man”…. Shiva and Vishnu cheered along ” U d Maan”

    But the fact that this story is half told cannot be overemphasized…. Shakti…. The feminine life force is completely ignored….

    hence Animal Rights activists along with staunch feminists might assault u… so beware

    No offence to anyone

  2. hahaha avisek.. i really would have wished to include some women. but then the great priests of our past decided that our holy trinity would consist solely of men. no-one has questioned that since. cant blame me. (and then we don’t know the make-up of the God tribe, do we. All we r doing is fantasizing… or fanati-sizing…. pretty much the same, i guess.

  3. nikhil

    u seconded yourself on women part
    . . .
    alright. .
    but what happened to the economists?
    the gold , the money that stocks huge amounts of National Capital is not spent anywhere?
    The Bhrahma,Vishnu and Shiva’s bank accounts . .
    who has a regulatory body over it?
    and yeah where do they invest that?
    i havent seen all the people benefited by the opulence of their powers so what is the planning strategy and distribution system out there
    i ought to find that! . .

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